Little bit of thought

Hello! Hahaha. Well, I don’t actually know why but in this time I feel like writing a random confession.Yea this maybe is simply just a confession from what I feel and keep deep inside me. Lol. Propa sia. Ok. Back to the fact.

It’s actually this morning I suddenly feeling so down to earth. Well, not only this morning (to be exact). I always feel this way, no matter what time it is. Pagi, petang, siang, malam. I mean, my feelings are always fucked up (no other word suits the best so yeah) without me myself know the reason why. Yea people may say that “You think too much Ummi” or “What are you thinking of?” or maybe “Who made u sad?” etc etc etc. But hey, no it’s not. That feeling just come, and attacked (what if I say it shot me like a shotgun right into my heart like tup tup tup lol). 

But yea, sometimes it’s just me over-thinking (but for me it’s not really over-thinking) whenever I look or remember the face of my beloved ones (beloved ones doesn’t only that one special person okay but he is also included) they will always remind me of what I’ve done in my life, towards them. (shit I feel like crying). 

You know what? 

You know the feeling of not worthy to have them in your life at all. The feeling like, ‘I have done so much troubles in their life but they still want to be with me’. Or something like, “I don’t deserve these people. They are too kind. All I did to them is to cause problems”. 

Or maybe such as, “Sabarnya korang dengan aku lepas apa yang aku dah buat selama ni”. Hahaha.

Sedih kan. I am always with these thought. Aku boleh cakap, almost (or memang) everyday aku rasa sedih sebab benda ni. Tu yang asyik2 nak sedih je keje. Hahaha. Cuma, aku malu. Yup. I am embarrassed. I am ashamed. Because in my own life I am such a troublemaker. I’ve caused too much troubles. Too much. Sigh. I love everyone around me. My family. Him. My friends. They are such great vibes, positive people. May Allah showers them with blessings. I can’t really pay their kindness towards me, the spoiled girl. But all I can do is to pray, I hope to meet them in heaven. To be with them, together again. Amiin ya Rabb!

That’s all maybe (walaupun I don’t feel like to stop typing but the toilet is calling hahahahaha).